REMINISCING AN EX-LOVER'S LOVE

To the girl who loved me the best, I know words of gratitude will never be enough to let you know how thankful I am to have met and fallen for you..I know words of apologies would not mend the pain that I left inside you.. I know words of love would not suffice in letting you know how much I have loved you.. I know my actions won’t matter anymore because you’re already gone and I’m still stuck in the crossroads of right and wrong…truth is I really don’t know which way to go, i don’t know which path is right, i don’t know whether to gamble or not. And another thing that I’ve come to realize is, everyone who have been with me who said that there’s nothing wrong with me are the ones who really didn’t know me—I know you knew me. I realized that I’ve been alone too much, I’ve been independent all these years in making decisions about my life…I’ve never made decisions about myself with anyone before that’s why it’s so hard to share. It was just now that I realized that I was bringing that independence when I am in relationships…that’s why you felt left out.. That’s who I am and that’s what I do when I make big decisions, I try to be alone and think about things…sorry for being independent and for forgetting that I was in a team. 

It feels so wrong to let this great love go. Sorry because I didn’t share..sorry for all the heart aches and lonely nights. Sorry for being too preoccupied with my career and what I’ll do with my life..Sorry for not being the best me when you deserved it….sorry because I can’t be the best me right now and you deserve much more than that..I know letting you go would put you on a better arm, a better person with more beautiful words that would make you smile each day from the moment you wake up, a person who can build better future with you..because right now all I can offer is the broken me with hopes of a better future—and I know that will never be enough til that better someday comes..

If it was good bye, i hope it was just good bye for now..but I know that you have already made up your mind with no plans of coming back. I’m so sad about what happened between us, so sad that I’ve let the bad things happened.. I’m really sorry and thank you for the good times and the love..the great love….I love you so much Tin.. Til that someday (if that someday comes). Take care my love..