HEAR ME OUT

Change is inevitable and somewhat painful. It's a process of losing your comfort for the sake of the beginning of something unknown. In this endeavor of life, we humans are free to choose if we're going to embrace it or continously shut our door as it knocks. Changing for a positive and good life is remarkable, but one cannot do it without looking back once more in his past. Today, it's impossible for me to look back in the past because I'm still here—stuck. Countless of tries were exerted on my behalf but it were all nonsense, because it's my heart which refused to leave this place, but not until today. As I open my eyes and extend my arms, I know that I can't leave with a heavy heart. At this moment, decided I am to let these hidden remorse fly. I know that deep down you still hate what I did. I was so selfish back then, for I just thought of myself—my feelings. I failed to understand you...to keep my promise that I will never leave you no matter what happen. Believe me, I loved you...I did. But we can never be together, because I know I will end up hurting you, and I don't want that to happen. I'm so sorry for putting all the blame on you and acting as if I'm the victim. Sorry will never be good enough, but I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me. Please do not be afraid to love, you're precious...God loves you. I tried my best to be worthy of all of your sacrifices. Your happiness is also my happiness and your sadness is my poison. Although I'm always trying my best to be what and who you wanted me to be, I failed in some aspects. Sorry for disappointing you. Sorry for turning to be one of those persons you hate and consided to be sinners. I don't know why I ended up like this, but believe me it's beyond my control. Please do not lose your patience on me. Little by little I'm dragging myself to the right path. Honestly it's killing me because this is not who I am and what I want, but for you I'm willing to set aside those who and which can make me happy. Please do not forget that I love you, I love all of you. Probably you will consider me as cold and secretive. I'm sorry if I can't open myself to you and let you enter. You're such a good person but I know your purpose. I'm afraid that I will just hurt you—shatter your heart into pieces. Sorry if I can't accept you even just for a friend. I'm sorry but assurance is important to me. You'll find someone special soon, believe me. As I take this first step towards my future, I pray for your forgiveness. My heart is looking forward to that day, because my happy ending starts with your forgiveness.  

♉️